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Monday, November 17th, 2008
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9:43 pm - the college entry part 2
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i just read my entry i wrote before moving here to gainesville, saying that tallahassee wasn't my home anymore. i'm starting to realize how much tallahassee is my home. and how much gainesville is just some place i'm going to school. mostly because tallahassee is the place i know the most of and am most comfortable in. of course i might just be saying this because i haven't been there in such a long time and the "grass is always greener on the other side."
i've never had any intentions to live in tallahassee or gainesville. so it's hard to call either "home." tallahassee i know best, but gainesville is too much like school.. all the time...
i never had any doubts about coming to UF (except maybe when all that drama started right when i got here, but that was a stupid reason to not come) until one of my friends said that gainesville was too small for me and that i had too big of dreams for gainesville. of course, this was also at a time when i wasn't too happy. but i'm starting to think about how small gainesville is and how much it only revolves around UF and how much i dont like it.
again, it's not that i ever planned on staying in gainesville, and i'm not regreting coming here - i still like the university feel, and the football, and the fact that i'm already in my engineering classes and classified as a sophomore.
but that doesn't mean that i'm anyway closer to having this feel like "home"
just gotta stay here for 4 years. i'm thinking it'll get better..
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 15th, 2008
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10:31 am - the college entry
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people seem to be making a big deal about this college thing. you're moving out, not dying.
maybe it's because i already moved out earlier this summer for two months, or because I had to pack to live in a dorm room last summer, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. some people just need to chill.
on that note. i still don't feel like i'm moving out on sunday. the last time i had a normal room was over two months ago. i'm living out of my suitcases and plastic drawers right now so i can just throw them back into my car. it feels like i'm already out - this is just a bed i'm sleeping in for a week before i move into my real room. i'm home but i don't feel like i live here anymore.
i was talking to my mom earlier this week and i referenced my house in cape canaveral as "back home." that was my home and i truely felt like i lived in cape canveral. just like gainesville will soon be my home. tallahassee is just a vacation spot where my family lives.
basically, this came about reading someone's blog about how their family didn't seem upset that they were moving out the next day. get over yourself, you're not dying. plus you're only moving to the other side of town; it's not like you're never going to see them again.
those you want to see again, you will. those who don't put forth the effort to see you again, aren't worth it. think about it.
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
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3:21 pm - dreams
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i had some weird dreams last night.
the first i remember i was at a hotel. i watched some bell boy take someone's bags through the lobby and thought about running all of "bellboy" operations and then i was. i was the "boss."
next thing i remember i was in a concrete hallway in the hotel, although it was on one of the higher floors (which i thought was kind of weird). the concrete hallway was the whole floor, and it made a circle, like most hotels. there were guards around this hallway and the man from before, from the lobby with the bag, was on the phone and i remembered him saying something about Iraq.
next thing i remember, i'm running down the stairs in the hotel trying to get away as he's chasing me. i try some of the doors to get to another floor but they wouldn't open, or i was pulling them the wrong way. i remember trying one of the doors, it was locked at first. i unlocked it, but there was a railing across the door frame, preventing it to open towards me. by the time i figured out it had to open inwards the man had caught up to me. i remember him grabbing me from behind. i yelled and tried to escape. i raised my arm and tried to jab in the stomach with my elbow.
i woke up when my elbow hit my bed. it was 6:50.
i laid in my bed half asleep, wondering if i had gotten away, i'd open that door and run through the hallway banging on doors, yelling for help. also wondering if he had a gun, if i would get shot, since there wasn't many places to hide in a hotel hallway.
the next dream i was with my family.
in summerbrooke, they were building a lot of new houses. we went around and started looking at them. the one we liked was really big, and blue. it's driveway was that one on summerbrooke drive with the rocks and the chain that used to say "private." except, the driveway curved around to another street, and the actual house was on a hill, behind the other houses on that street. the area was really big and open, yet all the houses were still pretty close together, but still big houses.
so, my family decided to spruce up the house. next thing i remember, we're painting the inside of it blue. the walls that were white, we painted them blue. i asked my dad, if we could do this, and he said the houses were up for sale to anyone who wanted them. so we just started making it our own. my sister and i finished the room we were painting, and my dad said there was a road through the woods, behind the house. so we walked through the woods some; they weren't very thick. i remember hopping over some barbed wire fence, and through holes/parts in other metal fences. after i short while, we found a grass road, not very used. it seemed like it was the road behind our current house. there were two chains hanging down. my dad said it'd be a great place to hang some swings. we said sure.
i don't remember too much else, we went to another house it seems.
i got woken up from my cell phone ringing. (though idk who it was, i didn't know the number, and they didn't leave a voice mail)
mostly from this dream i remember the big house, it was really pretty, and we just went up and started painting.
i usually don't remember my dreams, but i thought i'd record them, while i do remember them. probably because i got woken up abruptly during both of them. the first was kinda scary though.
enjoy.
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| Sunday, January 20th, 2008
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6:36 pm - time machine
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time heals all...?
too bad neither of us have changed.
i'm still working on my time machine. already got plans for it.
this weekend i set aside pretty much solely to work. yet two setbacks have made it so i have to work during the week. this is my last available weekend til like march. and yes, i set it aside to to work. and i would be more on schedule if the weather and kinkos decided to cooperate.
it'll get done. who knows how it'll look though.
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| Thursday, December 6th, 2007
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11:18 pm - WTFFFFFFFFF!
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YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
and i don't like you.
and you're a jerk.
and i don't like you.
you're a fucking fucking jerk.
i just don't understand, i can't comprehend how you can be that stubborn and that much of a fucking jerk.
i even tried to be nice to you. that's what's getting me the most. is that i tried to be nice to you, and you knew that i was trying to be nice to you, and you still want to hate me.
you are so stubborn you won't even try to be nice. you just give up and don't care.
it's extremely hard for me to believe that you can just be that self-absorbed.
i hope you get run over by a car some day. a nice car too.
it'd match your personality - a snob.
it'd be so ironic. and so great. because your vainness killed you. i would laugh at you.
and fyi, no one else likes you too. you should just stop, because you're not even ahead.
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, October 15th, 2007
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11:48 pm - it's been a while.
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hmm...
this might be bad..
but i really really really hope it's not.
although prior experience has told me it is..
FUCK.
i don't like uncertainty about the future. this college stuff and where i'm going to go is freaking me out.
i got a new hair-cut. it's sexy. no joke.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 30th, 2007
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1:04 am - SSTPPPPPP
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well, its the end of the first 3 weeks here at SSTP. and it's been interesting.
for my lab, i pretty much sit on the computer all day and i'm suppose to be learning a simulation program to run my lab, but i haven't even seen it yet. so, my days have been spent on the computer mostly checking facebook and talking on google talk. it gets pretty boring after a while.
midterm orals are at the end of next week (a 4 minute presentation of what you've done so far), and i might have enough background information to take up those 4 minutes, but i wish i could talk about my actual experiment.
so that's kinda gotten annoying since, it's 3 weeks in and i haven't started my actual experiment.
lectures every morning is alright. they've mostly been about biomedical stuff, so i get the main point and daydream during the detail parts. and daydreaming is the only way to stay awake during those parts.. the main ideas are good enough because then i can just pick one to write an extension paper on. (which aren't that bad, just some BS and summary of journals. or citing journals and summary of wiki)
the IDH seminars (which are twice a week) are going fairly well. i'm in the Artificial Intelligence one and have realized i will not be working with computers when i'm older. it's all about finding the right method for a computer to follow and i don't think like that. i find whatever method works for me and use it. of course, this class was the only one that was as far away from biology and medicine and had some math in it. the teachers both have accents so sometimes it's hard to understand them. plus they try and teach grad-student level material in an hour - which can be tough. but they did say that if you get over an 80% in the class, they'll give you an A; between 50% and 80% - a B. hopefully i can get above an 80, but idk, because sometimes it's hard to know what exactly they want out of us.
the other problem with the class i have, is the people. some of them aren't understanding the material completely and so just don't pay attention. by not paying attention, they become very rude and sometimes argue with the teacher about futile things. (this happened last thursday and got me really pissed off) other than that though, i am learning stuff about computers and i think i'll learn some programing too, which will be useful later on.
in lab i'm learning how to use linux and some linux commands. haven't done anything else since then (i've just learned the basic commands) but i think i'll be using it more and maybe that'll be useful too. idk. (at this point, i just want to use it)
the people here:
i've noticed, after talking to some people, that i'm one of the smarter ones, which i didn't think would happen. they also are more science-inclined than math. another thing to get used to.
i have to be modest sometimes because i don't want to get what i got at school about being smart and all.. (they thought i was a genius when i said i got an 800 on SAT Math IIC.) i must admit, i miss being surrounded by kids that are 15 times smarter than i am. there are only a couple here, and most of them are the stereotypical geek.
but i've found some cool people to hang out with. mostly my roommates. and our group is definitely the minority there. us girls are all pretty down to earth and chill, while most of the other girls here are very flirtatious, spacey, loud (in an annoying way), and some are materialistic. (the girl from one of the Sweet Sixteen's is here. <- very materialistic). and of course, all the guys are going to flock to them. plus, since you had to pay $3000 to come here, some of the kids here are rich. and don't mind eating out every night or buying starbucks every morning. the sweet sixteen girl said she had already spent $400 so far. wtf? personally, i wouldn't mind cooking my dinner most nights, but it's no fun if you're by yourself. which makes me a bit anti-social sometimes. because some nights i would like to just watch a movie while others want to go out. or play soccer. and soccer is great fun, i just can't do it every night/don't want to. this again, can make me a bit anit-social in meeting other kids.
all in all, so far no guys for Ann yet. there is this very good looking guy here, he's kinda quiet and reserved, but i thought i might still have a chance. of course, then the other day, i found out his SAT score, and stopped pursuing him. now, i know that sounds really geeky-shallow, but, he didn't break 1200.. that says something.. so, no prospects for Ann. but i'm not giving up, there's still 4 more weeks left.. you never know.
i spent an hour in lab typing that up and now i'm home. (that's what i do in lab = nothing. but my study group leader talked to my grad students today, so hopefully i can start something on monday. :crosses fingers:)
one of the best things about being home now: faster internet on my own computer. i'll have to download stuff now. i couldn't before because of my low internet connection in my dorm. but now i can. yay! :-)
off to find something to do - call me before sunday to hang out!
so i wrote an entry earlier about the 1st 3 weeks of the program and thinking back on it, i don't think i was enjoying myself as much as i had expected.
and, i must admit, that kinda continued when i got back there. all up until the last week or so. the last week and 1/2 were the most fun. i actually started hanging out with more people and getting close to them. we really started to realize how much we could get away with and how much the counselors started to lighten up.
the last two nights were the best of the entire program. probably because we were done with everything those nights and had no responsibility left and the fact that we stayed up all night - only one of them did we actually have permission to. and i'm glad that those will be my lasting memories from the camp.
so, what all happened the last 4 weeks (starting 4th of july week) :
saw fireworks the night before the 4th; free day july 4th; saw transformers; did our midterm orals; had our costume party (i was pippy-long-stockings/wendy's girl); went to magic kingdom (which doesn't have enough rides to keep you occupied for 11 hours.)
movies with nick; beaty's trashcan catching on fire because someone threw a burning paper towel (or something) down the trash shoot; having a kinda lame pool party; going to gator nights; going to Busch Gardens and having every ride stop for 1/2 hour because of the lightning
watched HP5; played pool at the reitz with nick and kevin; went out to sonny's with kevin and katiana; reserved my copy of HP7; bought my costume for HP7; had the formal dinner and dance at a Holiday Inn; stayed up for the midnight release of HP7; had our first free saturday; got mediterranean food and hookah; more pool at the reitz with nick and kevin
having lunch/seeing nick and kevin for the last time in gainesville; natasha and i preformed our amazing salsa dance at the talent show; sam, danny, and podo preforming at the talent show; kiss from a rose on the gray at the talent show; mel and i skipped our practice oral for the yale information session; found out my results/conclusion for my project was wrong and had to change all of it in my powerpoint, poster, and paper in about two days (i had to get extensions on them lol); gave our finial presentations; snuck out and stayed up thursday night and ended up having a slumber party with zach and jay in zach's room; said goodbye to my lab; had the awards ceremony and professor reception; stayed up all night with a crazy dance party.
this doesn't include all the times we snuck guys in our room to hang out. or how after a while, i just stopped signing out. and driving with nick and kevin so many times but only telling the counselors like twice. i'm sure there's a bunch more, just can't come to mind right now.
oh yeah, awards ceremony, i won:
best poster (out of my study group - there were 8 study groups)
and outstanding presentation (out of the program - there was about 20 of them)
the outstanding presentation award nominates me for JSHS, which is a thing in which they pick 20 kids in the entire state to speak and present their project. and there's usually a good amount of SSTP kids that speak, so i'm really crossing my fingers on this.
i'm still not ecstatic about my project subject but i know it. and i can still use it in science fair stuff.
overall, i had a good time and am glad i'm able to bring something away from this. i just really hope i can keep in touch with everyone still.
this definitely goes down as one great summer.
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| Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
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10:32 pm - picturrrre
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i updated my profile picture with one of my outfit from last night.
i took some others. but this was my favorite for a profile picture.
maybe a bit later, i'll probably change my xanga one.. probably, again, to one of these outfit ones.
just sucks that my mirror reflects all the junk behind me in my bookself and stuff.
hope everyone had fun last night.
i think i'm going to bed.. gotta get up at 4:30 tomorrow to go to Orlando. :-)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 4th, 2006
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11:35 pm
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| Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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8:06 pm
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| Thursday, July 13th, 2006
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7:52 pm - conforming.
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and putting up my AP HUG score.
but also because it has made me very happy b/c it's a frikin 5! :-D
camp is amazing and i absolutely hate leaving early. absolutely hate it.
Colorado tomorrow.
(i kinda wanted to stay at camp. but then we could go to Colorado afterwards.. lol)
bleh. life isn't fair, but i guess AP scores make up for it. :-)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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12:45 pm - TAGGED.
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List 7 songs you're into right now and tag 7 other people.
(as i look at my itunes playlist)
1) Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado
2) Powerless - Nelly Furtado
3) White Houses - Michelle Branch
4) Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
5) anything off of Hot Hot Heat
6) Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
7) Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
and to tag (i don't know if i even have 7 people i'm subcribed to.):
Will
Clara
Noli
Lara
Brag
Stefan
(if they ever read this)
ps. write me. when i'm at camp. see previous entry for address.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
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6:24 pm - copied from xanga, but, w/e.
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so.. you know what you guys should do: write me. while i'm at camp.
(which would be July 2-July 13, and July 23-28, but you might have to send your letter like a day or so before i leave to ensure it gets there.. :-\)
address:
My Name. (you should know that if you're wirtting me...)
CAMP INDIAN SPRINGS
2387 Bloxham Cut-Off Road
Crawfordville, Fl 32327
and yes, the only way of contact is snail mail.
make me feel loved, and tell me about what's happening while i'm gone. 
please do write me! :-)
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| Friday, June 23rd, 2006
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1:16 pm
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Clara has just made me realize that the last time i've written in here was 6 months ago at christmas. :-\
update on my life so far:
summer's having it's ups and downs. pretty much for June i've been just sitting around the house. doing puzzles. watching tv. talking to people online. and playing solitaire.
yesterday my mom, brother, and i went out to walmart and books a million. i got a pair of sunglasses at walmart (and deposited $150 :-D) and then at BAM, i got the 2nd of my summer reading books: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (my first was The Catcher in the Rye), a 300 puzzle Sudoku book, The Princton Review 11 Practice Tests for the New SAT, and this cool little mechanical pencil that looks like one of those small lottery pencils.
the Sudoku book i've already started in. the other two... idk when i'll start those. lol
the end of June has also put me into shock that i need to start more of my summer work: BC review, chem review, nationals studying, summer reading, and writting that algebra test. all of which i've started except the chem review and algebra test.
July 2nd i leave for camp, and that's where i plan to do some of this work. every day they have rest time for about 2 hours and if i get to enjoy that (sometimes i can't because of LIT duties and crap) then i plan to do my BC review, nationals studying and possibly some summer reading.
i plan to do my chem review before that, because i'm going to need the internet to help me look up how to do some of the work that i've forgotten :-\. also, i'll have about 3 weeks or so to write that algebra test, which i think will be alright. i have an algebra book, and my sister's Algebra study book from her non-existent year in MAO last year.. whatever, i can get an idea of how to write my questions.
hm July 2-8 = camp.
(home for a night)
July 9-13 = camp some more
(home for a night to pack)
July 14-21 = Colorado.
(home for 2 nights. :-))
July 23-28 = yet some more camp.
then two weeks.
then school starts again.
my mom said that the legislature passed a law that said that school can't start any more than two weeks before Labor Day. it won't go into effect for this comming year, but next year, when we're going to be Srs, school will start a week later. meaning we will get an extra week of summer. it would also mean that we would get an extra week of school (memorial day week, they'll be school.) however, since this will be our Sr year, we won't have to worry about that extra week, because we won't be there. i think it's a pretty sweet deal for us.
anyways, that seems to be enough of an update.
i hope everyone is having a magnificent summer so far. call me because i want to hang out with people.
ps. yes, this profile pic is accredited to Clara. thank you.
♥
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 25th, 2005
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7:50 pm - Merry Christmas
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yes, i'm wishing all of you like 4 people that read this a very merry christmas. and hope that it was wonderful for you. i enjoyed mine. :-D
♥
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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11:29 am
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ok. so actually writing in here. and bored.
In the beginning of 2005...
Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: not technically, but me and a guy liked each other..
How old were you?: 14
What was your outlook on the world?: see friends whenever possible and only worry about school when i had to.
How were you doing at school/your job? wonderfully. pretty well, all A's
What did you most look forward to?: being with friends
Did you make New Year's Resolutions?: no.
What was your biggest worry?: can't quite remember.
Who was your best friend?: kirsten.
What did you do with your spare time?: AIM and xanga/OD. big time.
What did you do for fun?: computer. and movies.
In the middle of 2005--
Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes and no. getting out of a relationship and getting into another one.
Had your outlook on the world changed?: not really, still wanted to be with friends, and have the best time possible.
What did you spend your summer doing?: oh gosh. partys, summer camps (4 weeks), backpacking, driving across the US, and going to HAWAII!
Did you get tan?: tried, and failed. actually, didn't try as hard as i usually do, but still failed.
Who'd you hang out with, mainly?: lots of people, mostly the new friends i made when i went places.
Did you go visit anywhere?: did i? i would call driving from Tallahassee, FL to Lander, WY, wait all the way up to Yellowstone, WY and hitting all the landmarks inbetween visiting somewhere. oh, and traveling from FL again to Honolulu, HI visiting somewhere too. lol
What was your biggest worry?: that i'd regret something i didn't do over the summer, and i would go all these places and not have a good time.
What was the most fun event that happened?: Hawaii.
And as the year drawns to an end...
Still got a significant other?: nope.
How old are you?: 15
What major changes have happened since the year began?: i've realized what best friends really are and that they'll be there for you no matter what. and that your probably not going to keep all of your friends that you make in highschool. only those few that you really connect with you'll probably stay in contact with..
What thing that happened stands out in your mind?: Hawaii. (ok, i know the people who went can't shut up about it, but, for me, that was the absolute best time of my life, seriously, everyone there was awesome and we had so much freedom, yet didn't have to have that much responsibility, not the mention how beautiful it was. it was amazing.)
What was the most embarrassing moment?: being rejected and not seeing it coming.
your lowest point?: when i took comfort in school.
Are you happy with how the year went?: oh yea. learned a whole bunch. and had a blast.
What thing would you change if you could?: nothing, b/c every part of my year had it's purpose.
For 2006...
What do you plan to not do that you did this year?: worry about relationships. (i agree, kaley)
Do you think it'll be WORSE than this year?: it can get worse, but i believe i'm forming stronger relationships with people so it can also get better, but somethings will never match what happened this year.
What do you plan to do next year?: not blow off school, and make everlasting friends.
What are your pre-New Year's resolutions?: stop caring what other people think, and take care of myself and then other people.
And to wrap it up..
What one thing would you like to say as the year is almost done?: I love where i am right now, and I have my friends and everyone around me to thank. I look forward to the new year to form even stronger bonds with people, b/c i'm afraid that i'll lose them, and thats the one thing i don't want.
Merry Chrismahanakwanza! and Happy New Year.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 8th, 2005
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5:22 pm
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| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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3:53 pm
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where is your boy tonight, i hope he is a gentleman. mabye he won't find out what i know, you were the last good thing about this part of town..
current mood:  bouncy
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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1:02 pm
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so everyone will get the memo:
darn you will. i actually have to do this now..
List five of your idiosyncrasies and then tag five friends to do the same.
1. to remember something i have to write it down. even if i never look at it again, i have to write it down. that's why i take notes on stuff you only have to read, but i usually never look at them again.
2. i hate wasting paper. and have to have everything together. i hate teachers that make us have a clean sheet of paper for every little thing when we could just use the back of something.. and i usually print stuff out front to back.
3. i have a fear of people not liking me. and i want to be everyone's friend. i try to be nice to everyone and help someone out whenever i can.
4. i want to do everything. every outing, every activity, every club, every class. sometimes it's hard to tell myself that i can't and i do enough already.
5. i'm obsessed with my nails. i have about 10 things that i primp my nails with. and they can't be dirty for any long period of time. if so, i'll find anything to clean them with. and i will only paint my toenails.
who to tag.. who to tag.. brautigam, kaley, kavi, kirsten, michelle, brinkie, jordan, and hilary and clara too. (i don't care if it's more than 5..)
current mood: wanting to do something
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, October 14th, 2005
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6:52 pm
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gummbbear's journal
Dear Santa...